so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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