I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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