I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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