I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
