Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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