i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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