Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
