The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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