if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
