Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
a search helicopter?!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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