My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
