OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
