seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
