why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
