i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
