I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
two words...techno handjob
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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