proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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