You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
