Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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