No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
