Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
