god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
