I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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