I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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