Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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