I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
