you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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