He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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