tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
