Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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