Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
