I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you made out with another girl for some wings
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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