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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
