Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
