i'm lost and i look like a hooker
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
