I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
