it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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