So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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