i think i have herpe
just one?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
