Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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