Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
