I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
