Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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