my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
