I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
