This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
