But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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