yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
