those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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