So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
